Trust

I listened to this last night:

http://fellowshiproswell.org/series/trust/?video=video1

It was simple, powerful, and timely.

I find that much, if not all of my anxiety is rooted in self-trust: believing in my ability to control my destiny. 

Ironically I often struggle with regret at not having better controlled my destiny: the what if choices in life that you relive in your mind.

I also tend to try to blame parents or other people in my life during my formative years for not having better mentored my direction in life.  It would seem that much anxiety for me is also rooted in deep-seated discontent with, self, others, God.   Then I talk to people who grew up without a father, and realize how blessed I am to have had a godly father, albeit an imperfect one.

I was struck in the sermon last night at the context of David's life when he writes this Psalm 56.  The speaker points out that although David was anointed by God to be king, he spent perhaps 8-10 years in hiding, being pursued by King Saul.  In many ways David went from being the hero to being the vagabond.  So God's anointing of him must have seemed like a double edged sword at times:  "God, if I am to be king, why am I running."  and... "God, I can trust what you're doing because you anointed me to be king and haven't yet made good on that promise.  But because I know you're good and always make good on your promises, I can, and will trust you."

I'm am convicted that though I don't understand most of the paths that life has taken me, or what God's purposes are in them, the good that enjoy amidst the chaos is not of my own making, but is a gracious gift from a Father who is in control.  The speaker also points out that the word "gracious" in the Psalm means to stoop.  God is the strong, yet gentle father, who stoops to meet his feeble child.  I'm reminded of this now every time my son waddles over to me and tugs my pant legs.  He's barely up to my knee, and can't say intelligible words, yet I know what he want's: "Daddy, pick me up."  I stoop and scoop the little guy up who so implicitly trusts his dad.  Oh if he only knew my feebleness.  So I must remember that I who am feeble cry "Abba" to the One who is Sovereign, and the feebleness that my son will one day recognize in his father is better not masked, but rather to point him also to The ONE:

"This I know, that God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?"
Psalm 56:9b-11